Has your libido taken a holiday, been in hiding or just not where you want it to be?
You are not alone! Many women experience some type of drop in sex drive in their lives. It can be brought on by several factors. Here are just a few that you may relate too and what you can do to get back on track.
1) Not enough sleep
According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, women are more than twice as likely as men to have trouble sleeping. And sleeplessness has a direct impact on desire.
Not getting enough shut-eye disrupts sex hormones like estrogen and progesterone. But perhaps more important, missing out on sleep can make you too irritable for sex.
23% of respondents surveyed for the National Sleep Foundation’s 2005 Sleep in America poll reported that their mate’s sleep habits drove them to sleep elsewhere.
Tips that can help…
Make your bedroom a dark, quiet, sleep-friendly haven. Banish work items, like your BlackBerry or laptop; turn off the TV and invest in a comfortable mattress. Use earplugs and a sleep mask to block out light and noise.
Check your meds to ensure they don’t contain stimulants. Also ask your doctor about a short-term prescription for sleeping pills.
If your partner is keeping you up, talk with him about ways to diminish his snoring. Some nights are just better on the couch or in the guest room.
2) Stress
Many people are so busy that they dont even realize that sex has fallen off of the calendar all together. This may also lead to more stress and the more stressed you are the less likely you are to take the time for intimacy.
And when you start looking for items to scrap from your to-do list, sex is often the first to go.
“Women can do many things at once, which works to our advantage work-wise and life-wise, but it does make things hard sexually,” says Chicago sex and relationship therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Passion Prescription (Hyperion).
“Most women find themselves putting the kids to bed, cleaning up the kitchen and making lunch for the next day, and the last thing they feel like doing is having sex,” Berman says.
Tips that can help…
Ask your partner to take over some chores. If he can take a little off your plate, you can relax. And that means you’re “better able to respond sexually,” she says.
Schedule it in. There is nothing wrong with planing a date night, even if you know its only for a sexual encounter. Just be smart and play safe.
3) Taking medication
We all know that contraceptives can lower your libido, but they are not the only drugs that can effect you. Anti-anxiety benzodiazepines, like Valium and Xanax, can also short-circuit your sex drive.
So can beta-blockers taken for high blood pressure and antihistamines, which can dry up your runny nose and vagina.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants can blunt desire to such a degree that men often take them to remedy premature ejaculation, according to sex researcher Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., co-author of The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press).
Tips that can help…
Try a different beta-blocker or antidepressant.
If you’re feeling good on your SSRIs and your only complaint is that you wish you felt more sexual, talk with your doctor about adjusting your dosage.
Mixing a low dose of another kind of antidepressant, like Wellbutrin, with your SSRI can restore libido.
First and formost be sure and talk with your doctor about any medication or medical issues that you may have.
4) An overactive bladder
About one-third of women with overactive bladders “leak” during intercourse, says Jane Miller, M.D., associate professor of urology at the University of Washington in Seattle. Miller believes that orgasm may cause a slight blip in communication between the brain and bladder.
“The bladder always wants to go to the bathroom, but it doesn’t because there are inhibitory messages sent from the brain to the bladder saying no,” Miller says.
For some women, orgasm may override these messages and, as a result, they release a small amount of urine during sex.
Tips that can help…
Making a pit stop before sex may reduce the chances of a spill, since involuntary bladder contractions are often triggered by volume, she says.
You can also talk to your doctor about getting a prescription for medications like Detrol or Ditropan, used to treat overactive bladder.
6. Menopause.
You lose about 90% of your estrogen – the sex hormone largely responsible for arousal and lubrication – once you hit this milestone.
As levels drop, the vaginal tissue thins and dries out, which can make sex painful enough to make you want to opt out for good. For many women, the drop in estrogen alone explains a dive in libido.
But other aspects of menopause may also leave you feeling unsexy: hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, apprehension about getting older, and the erratic, heavy menstruation that can occur before your periods stop for good.
Menopause typically occurs around age 51, but some surgeries and chemotherapy can trigger it earlier, which may put even more of a damper on desire.
A recent survey found that women with surgically induced menopause reported higher rates of lowered sex drives (26%) than those who experienced natural menopause (9%).
Tips that can help…
Conventional wisdom is “use it or lose it.” Having sex encourages blood flow to the genitals, Minkin says. Generally speaking, the more sex you have, the more you want.
That said, talk to your gynecologist about medications that make sex more comfortable. Ask about topical testosterone, which can increase desire in postmenopausal women, and estrogen-based creams or suppositories, which remedy vaginal dryness.
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