Who I Am
I thought that before I get too far into this experiment, I should put to paper who I actually feel I am at this point in my 52 year journey on the planet, so that by the end, I’ll be able to compare my circumstances, attitudes and experiences to see if there’s been any measurable changes. That being said, where do I begin??
The reason I started this project was because it occurred to me that I haven’t really been living… I’ve just been getting by.. and that’s not how I want to feel about my life when I come to the end… I want to feel that I grabbed the bull by the horns and squeezed every drop of living out that I possibly could… god, could I be having a midlife crisis?? Is this what men are feeling when they buy shiny sports cars and have affairs with younger women? That’s so stereotypical of me, but it happens all the time! It just dawned on me.. this isn’t a midlife crisis, it’s pre-menopause!!
My wake-up call is that I don’t want to die feeling like I wasted any of my time. A challenge I face is that I’m basically shy and kind of a loner, homebody.. so putting myself out there in new situations, where I don’t know anyone causes me to hyperventilate a little! So, I keep myself busy with 2 jobs, raising 2 teenagers and manage to eek out a little bit of time at the end of the evening where I can allow myself to live vicariously through the pages of a great book or some silly reality show where everyone is desperately vying for their 15 minutes of fame.
Does really living mean I have to have alot of money? I don’t think so, but it would be nice and I’m holding out hope that big money is still in my future! I do like to fantasize about exotic travel, grand adventure, dozens of close friends (several of whom play musical instruments), who gather frequently at my large abode overlooking the ocean to eat, laugh, play music and just enjoy the moments together. We all need a great fantasy, right? Oh, and an affair with a hot young 30 something would be fabulous as well!
I do have to say that I’ve raised 2 amazing kids who will be heading off to start lives of their own soon enough… and I’ve done it on my own, without much financial support for the last 7 years…however the turn of the economy has affected so many of us and my ex and I decided to merge households until things pick back up again (2 kids in braces will do that to you!)
I’m challenging myself to participate more, instead of always being the observer…..so, step by step I venture outside the boundaries of who I am at the moment to become the person I fantasize about… Can shy, homebody types become less shy by putting themselves out there time and time again? Maybe… so what have I got to lose? Only more time…..so here I go!
Casey
www.FiveSistersLaughing.com
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